Plug Your Ears ‘n Eyes

In my search for a quick and easy blog post, and one that doesn’t involve cars, I decided on another ‘Top 5’…but the topic eluded me for all of 5 minutes! You can probably assume that this isn’t going to be the most well thought out entry of my blog, however my choice of top 5 cringey/awesome music videos will hopefully give some/any readers the chance to waste a good 20 minutes of time watching rubbish on YouTube…so here goes:

5.) Tan Mom: It’s Tan Mom (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN55i8T-zK8)

Still dragging out her 15 minutes of fame, the woman accused of taking her young daughter into a tanning booth released her own song earlier this week…quite possibly the worst song on this list and with a music video that made even me look away, ‘It’s Tan Mom’ really scrapes the barrel in terms of an attempt to remain current. Witnessing a middle aged drunk woman slurring through painful lyrics ‘hotter than Teen Mom…or Octo Mom’ whilst cavorting with out of shape gay men in her bikini is not pleasant, but hey I am writing about her so she must be doing something right.

4.)Antoine Dodson: Bed Intruder Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw)

Compared to all the other people on this list, Antoine’s rise to minor celebrity was actually the result of a good act! Yes attempting to apprehend a burglar and giving that amazing ‘Hide Yo Kids’ soundbite gave Dodson the chance of international fame. Thanks to the original interview going viral and people autotuning a song out of it, the world gained a new catchphrase that still makes me giggle when I see Antoine’s toothy grin and ghetto attitude. Troubles with the law and follow-up singles ensued, and Antoine still breaks through into news items…most recently with his conversion to Judaism and renouncement of his homosexuality.

3.)Jenna Rose: My Jeans (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XMy9WeI_fw)

A 12 year old going on about her love for a particular pair of jeans? Why on Earth would such a pointless song deserve a place on this (admittedly pointless) list? Well from the second Jenna opens her mouth it is clear that cannot sing, and instead proceeds to moan in autotune about how celebrities are stealing ‘her jeans’. Add in shots of her driving a MINI (she’s 12?!) and an equally random rap verse by ‘Baby Triggy’ *shudder* and the lyrics of ‘ha ha ha ha, jack my swag’ seem to pale into the background. But my favourite aspect of ‘My Jeans’ is the parody video which followed…the Brock’s Dub version is by far the funniest, and has over 2 million views (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqOWi2mo3Jo) ‘who the hell is KiKi Palmer?!’

2.)Rebecca Black: Friday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0)

Let’s get this straight…I actually like ‘Friday’. Yes it is has terrible lyrics, yes Rebecca Black can’t sing and yes the word ‘Friiiiday’ will permanently be ingrained in your brain (well for 5 minutes anyway), but overall it’s an annoyingly catchy song by a harmless teenager. Of course it is a rubbish song though, 162 million people viewed the original video and most hurled abuse at it…and the 52 million who have seen the re posted version have mainly done the same. Ark Music Factory are the company behind alot of these acts, and appear to offer spoilt children and their friends the chance to star in their own music video…their appalling work is made worse by their own appearance, which in ‘Friday’ involves 2 producers rapping whilst they chase a school bus filled of kids? Hmmm…

1.)CJ Fam: Ordinary Pop Star (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xk1ife_cj-fam-ordinary-pop-star-official-video_webcam)

Well well well, Ark Music Factory strikes again. CJ Fam is an 11 year old girl with a dream, to be a world famous popstar, but in ‘Ordinary Pop Star’ she goes on about wanting to be normal from the perspective of this superstar she sees herself as. There is a fair amount of autotuning here, but to be fair CJ can actually belt out a good note, and maybe if was to straighten her hair and loose a little weight she could have a chance (OK harsh but you probably thinking). Leaving aside the ludicrous lyrics, my favourite aspect of the song is the video! Fake TMZ-style headlines pop into the screen ‘CJ out on the town’ and the questionable ‘Who is her new friend’ seem to infer some sort of lesbian relationship?! At least that’s how my strange mind interpreted it anyway…especially given the appearance of the Ark producers who don’t sing, but instead leer at the 11 year old and go ‘mmmmm’ as she sings, tres creepy! Watch out for these aspects and you won’t be able to suppress a giggle.

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